Sorry, they sent it to me Adam.
“Well thank god that’s over. If only I’d not been eyeing up the caviar vol-au-vents when Sir Nicholas Winton wisely advised me about compromise and I’d looked up what the word actually meant. I didn’t realise I had to do it as well, otherwise what’s the point of being the boss?
I’ll list my honourable achievements… Um…
OK, there’s Hostile Environment, Windrush, Go Home vans, basically anything to stop good old Blighty letting anyone different in including refugee children, cutting any services that cost more than £50.00, training Boris to only poop in our garden at home and providing day care for Chris Grayling… I mean, I don’t get why the extreme right wingers weren’t happy with me. Also, I elevated loads of people no one had heard of to Ministers of things for no apparent reason other than making me look competent. Who can forget such hits as Dominic Raab, Gavin Williamson and all the David Davis’s I could possibly find. Anyway, I’ll leave you all to sort it out, I’m off to argue with Philip about who’s putting the bins out tonight and see if the markets have moved enough by this announcement for him to have made a few more millions…
(Cry here to give impression of humanity)
Oh, nearly forgot, be kind to Boris, he’s a simple boy and responds well to kindness but don’t be afraid to kick his balls when he deserves it, probably every ten minutes I expect.
End Statement.Embed from Getty Images
Now, go off and read this article by Ian Dunt. Proper writing.