As you all know, Bryntin is a man of science. He is not often known to go off simply making wild and evidentially unsupported assertions but will gather statistics to provide the basis for his studies and then extract whatever the weight of that evidence presents to him, no matter how outlandish the rest of the world thinks it might be.
With this sort of thoughtful and solid application of scientific methodology, you can be sure that you are completely able to trust whatever Bryntin tells you as fact, no matter how unbelievable you may think he is at first.
For this post, Bryntin is able to provide a summary of a long period of statistical analysis.
He would post the previous 27 charts to show exactly how this point was arrived at but he does realise that the recent General Election in the UK shows that people as a whole aren’t as interested in evidence as he is and they just like it all distilled into nice simple conclusions with as few words and thinking required as possible.
So here is the simple conclusion chart, without getting too much into the detail.
Study in to ‘How Logical is Mrs Bryntin Exactly?‘
Fig 28: Summary
As you can see, in the whole period of observation and collection of data, there was no observable logical process in the behaviour of Mrs Bryntin at all, some instances of decision making that appeared to have some basis in what would be commonly recognised as logic, then a statistically significant proportion of completely Batshit behaviour.
He presents a small case study of randomly chosen one hour period that he has observed and measured and provides a typical example of how the statistics are collected and scientifically categorised.
Mrs Bryntin is due to start work at 9am. Work is a commute of around 15 minutes away from home. Therefore, to be at work on time and in a reasonably presentable condition, she should logically leave the house in that reasonably presentable condition at 8.40am in order to arrive in plenty of time and perhaps with a few minutes to spare for the route having stray livestock or a slow moving tractor on it. (Such are the likely impediments on the rural commute which form what would be the town or city based civilisations equivalent of ‘traffic’.)
- Her alarm is set for 8am. Measurement: A Modicum of Logic
Comment: A measurement of full ‘Logic’ could be applied if Mrs Bryntin worked from home or was able to awake in a condition in which she could already be ‘reasonably presentable’. As this is not the case, logically only ‘A Modicum of Logic’ can be applied, given that work will be required before leaving the house.
- Mrs Bryntin presses 5 minute snooze on the 8am alarm. Measurement: Batshit
Comment: 8am is already at the edge of ‘A Modicum of Logic’ and perhaps even that is slightly questionable, 8.05am would be decreasing the available time for arriving at work promptly without being very unkempt and possibly still wearing her pyjamas and is much beyond having ‘A Modicum of Logic’ already.
- At 8.05am, Mrs Bryntin presses 5 minute snooze. Measurement: Batshit
Comment: As above.
- At 8.10am, Mrs Bryntin presses 5 minute snooze Measurement: Batshit
Comment: Nothing useful. Or family friendly.
- Mrs Bryntin rises at 8.15 am: Measurement: Batshit.
Comment: Even the nebulous concept of ‘arriving at work on time by simply wishing it so’ is, Bryntin suspects, now impossible.
- 8.17am: Mrs Bryntin charges downstairs in nightwear, says good morning to Bryntin in his office. She proceeds to kitchen, fills and turns on kettle, disappears into utility room, noises of tumble dryer being opened, other noises not polite enough to share, returns to kitchen, puts two slices of bread in toaster and sets it going, returns to utility room, other impolite noises, returns to kitchen, sounds of cupboards being opened and closed. It goes temporarily quiet, suspect phone being inspected for messages, voice heard shouting ‘Have you seen my…’ tails off, five seconds, rustling noises then ‘Got them.’
Comment: Bryntin never knows what is being looked for and therefore can never help to find whatever is not possibly able to be found until five seconds after the appeal for his help to find it/them/those is made.
- 8.18am: All quiet apart from noise of kettle. Suspect some messaging going on. Opportunity arises to make a measurement: Possible ‘Small Modicum of Logic’ if only it weren’t only too late to be attempting any of this. Therefore Batshit.
- 8.19am: Sound of toast popping up. Shout of ‘Can we get a bloody toaster that works?’ Sound of toaster being set again. Quiet again. Bryntin shouts from his office: ‘The toaster does work, I used it yesterday, you just have to set the controls right’. Return comment ‘I don’t want to set the bloody controls every time, can we get one that just works?’ Measurement: Batshit
Comment: It may be possible to purchase a toaster that knows how long whatever you put in it needs to be toasted for to guarantee your preferred level of toasted results every time, without any input from the user apart from just turning it on having loaded it with whatever variety of delightful untoasted consumable you choose that day. Bryntin hasn’t got one of those.
- 8.21am: Sound of toast popping up. Shout of ‘Oh fucking hell!’ Sound of bin being opened. Rustling. Sound of toaster being turned on. Sound of kettle clicking off as it’s reached boil.
Comment: Must do chart about how much bread the Bryntin household consumes versus the amount turned into charcoal.
- 8.23am: Mrs Bryntin appears in lounge, dressing gowned and with toast and a cup of coffee. Says ‘So, what’s going on in the world today?’ as she sits, turns on her tablet computer and then crunches some very crunchy toast. Bryntin can now see her from his seated position in the office and innocently opines, as he has not yet informed himself of the current news having been working on some writing, that perhaps, having turned on the internet enabled device that she has in front of her, in her hands right now, that she might peruse the news websites at her leisure and find out instead of asking him. Unless of course the question was a rhetorical one. Measurement: Was relatively quiet, went Batshit. Then went quiet again.
- 8.36am: Bryntin starts to worry that perhaps Mrs Bryntin has forgotten that she’s due to start work at 9am and realistically needs to leave the house, in a respectable condition, in 4 minutes time. He reminds her gently that this is the case. Mrs Bryntin says ‘I know, I know… I’m going to have a shower now.’ Mrs Bryntin disappears to utility room, sound of tumble dryer opening and closing and then she disappears upstairs with a handful of unmentionables. Bryntin turns away, back to his computer and returns to his Logic measurement chart. Batshit
Comment: It has just occurred to me that perhaps the Batshit measurement should have a few degrees of Batshit, ranging from ‘A bit Batshit’ to ‘So Batshit you Should Probably be Highly Medicated’.
- 8.40am: Mrs Bryntin reappears in a more than presentable and clothed condition, with bag and car keys in one hand and a fresh coffee steaming from a travel cup in the other. She kisses him and says ‘I’m off then, have a great day yourself, I’ll probably ring you lunchtime, see you later,’ and leaves.
Bryntin struggles to comprehend exactly how the noise of the shower turning on, turning off a few minutes later, footsteps going into the bedroom, a hairdryer starting up, then a period of quiet while clothes were selected and makeup was being applied, then footsteps down the stairs, bag and keys and coffee collected and the cheerful and seemingly now decidedly fragrant Mrs Bryntin could have possibly done that all in 4 minutes.
Measurement: Something definitely not logical is going on. Batshit. And, quite likely, Witchcraft.
Comment: Bryntin is further discombobulated as he realises that Mrs Bryntin saw fit to make herself a cup of coffee ‘to go’ when the work that she is commuting to is in a cafe. Which has copious amounts of tea and coffee available of course. This, having no logic whatsoever, is also marked on the Batshit scale.
So there you have it. Bryntin is certain that when she reads the full evidence herself, Mrs Bryntin will be thrilled with how thorough and rigorous Bryntin has been in compiling this informative post.
Note: If you like what I wrote up there and, lets face it, it is quite unlikely but still possible, then why not press one of the buttons that shares it to other people you know?
Or of course, if you don’t want them to know you’ve enjoyed this, or just feel ashamed now and want to keep it to yourself, don’t. Feel free to leave a comment though, even if it’s just ‘Stop it, please!’