Official Terrible Poetry Post: The Big Rock Candy Mountain

Last Monday, Bryntin posted his first deliberately terrible poem. You’ll be pleased to know he has now chosen a title for his deliberately bad poems.

They will be called the Official Terrible Poetry Post which, he is sure you will agree, keeps it nice and distinct from all the other regular posts here so you can’t confuse them. He has also chosen a picture which should encapsulate the amount of intellectualism contained herein. An ‘i-dent’, as the telly people call it.

He fully expects that readers were quite shocked at how bad he could deliberately be at poetry when he really didn’t try but he thought he’d give it a go again this week as, unfortunately, he didn’t get worst place for his last one.

So he had a look at the theme and was more than a little confused.

Weekly Terrible Poetry Comp. The Big Rock Candy Mountain

But as regulars know, Bryntin is not one to let a little confusion enter into his head without it wondering about a bit, getting a bit lost and then trying to work out how it all seems so much bigger on the inside.

Bryntin didn’t quite remember what this was then, so he was pleased to see the thoughtfully provided link on Chelsea Owens’ blog that told him that this was a song from the film ‘O Brother, Where Art Thou’.


I wasn’t going to do a poem
for the bad poetry competition this week
because the theme was ‘The Big Rock Candy Mountain’
and that sounded a bit country ‘n’ western
what I thought about it was
that it sounded very much like
the sort of thing that would
have the sounds of a slide guitar in it
god I hate the sound of a slide guitar
‘just settle on a note!’ I think
‘don’t play an instrument
like a drunken man, trying to walk
bouncing off doorways and
speaking whole sentences in one continuous word’
anyway, then I read the lyrics
for the song that is the theme
and saw it was full of peoples dreams
for what they imagine might be plentiful
in this fantasy place, their heaven
so I thought perhaps mine would be slide guitars
stripped and remade into proper guitars
that people played different notes and chords on
one at a time mostly
like musicians, not drunkards
Some might ask
‘wouldn’t slide guitars, for you
be in ‘the other place?’
and I’d say ‘no,
would you deny me the pleasure
in my heaven
of seeing them being destroyed?’
so then I listened to the song
to get my inspiration
and it didn’t have slide guitar on it
so this was all a waste of time really
I’ll probably have to do something
about abundant custard creams instead

Bryntin knows what you’re thinking. And he can see you rolling your eyes.

You’re probably right.

Note: There used to be a bit of text down here that encouraged readers to share anything Bryntin writes that they thought was good or made them laugh.
Bryntin has realised that not many bothered much with that so he has replaced that paragraph with this long bit of alternative text, in the form of one very long sentence, which actually doesn’t make any point at all except to make you pretty annoyed that, if you have made the effort to read this far, you have now found it was actually just a complete waste of your time. Thank you.

10 thoughts on “Official Terrible Poetry Post: The Big Rock Candy Mountain”

    1. Probably best not to attribute cleverness to my entries, it’s more a frustrating and unfiltered wandering through a free-form, word associating monologue session with an old school psychologist who just says ‘Hmm….’

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Custard Cream is a classic biscuit – or cookie on your continent I think – a bit like a rectangular albino Oreo.
        Custard Creme – No idea, but it’s got custard in it so it must be alright too.


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