Official Terrible Poetry Post: PANIC!

Welcome to Bryntin’s regular weekly dose of relaxation where he kicks back and unwinds, free of the demands and suffering for his artistic integrity that the normal output on his blog entails.

Actually, don’t be fooled, this weekly contest is all about being terrible, which for Bryntin is obviously a struggle and is often as tantalisingly unattainable for him as actually being good is.

Let’s see what we are faced with this week, apart from pandemics shocking enough to turn your skin more orange.

Photo by Bich Tran on

Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 63: Topic: Stockpiling against a worldwide disaster, in limerick form.

Ah. More pandemic-themed thinking. I expect most people will be happy to see a bit more stuff about that.

OK, here he goes then.

There are empty shelves down at the store
idiots crashing their carts by the door
I would have been late
till I pulled out the 38
now there’s great stocks of bodies on their floor

I’m getting a few extra things in
lots of meat and beans if they’re tinned
it was quite busy down there
until I coughed in the air
and the crowds miraculously thinned

I’ve got my mask on so I’ll be OK,
got my sanitiser and various sprays
got my loo roll and lentils
and ammo to shoot mentals
should be alright for a couple of days

Bryntin has just realised that there’s quite a lot of shooting and killing in the above but he supposes that’s one sure way to stop the hysterics, as COVID-19 doesn’t appear to be particularly choosy about how intelligent its victims are and it might miss some of the more deserving.

Note: There used to be a bit of text down here that encouraged readers to share anything Bryntin writes that they thought was good or made them laugh.
Bryntin has realised that not many bothered much with that so he has replaced that paragraph with this long bit of alternative text, in the form of one very long sentence, which actually doesn’t make any point at all except to make you pretty annoyed that, if you have made the effort to read this far, you have now found it was actually just a complete waste of your time. Thank you.

15 thoughts on “Official Terrible Poetry Post: PANIC!”

    1. I just had to look up ‘Port Wenn’ to see where you meant and it’s bloody Port Isaac, eight miles from here!
      And that’s as much notice as I’ve ever taken of ‘Doc Martin’.
      Perhaps there won’t be another series of the program as all the residents died in a shocking mass hysterical riot over the last pasty at the village stores.


      1. It’s only by attempting to buy toilet roll that the reasons for owning automatic weapons capable of 600 rounds a minute have become apparent really. Gotta be ready for forming their militias with a nice clean bottom.


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